the end.
so he's gone and done it...as i type, he is at the airport...and now i'm free, somewhat. free to be sad, free to move on, free to not wait by my phone for him to 'call me'. free to feel emotion, and not feel guilty cos it makes it harder for him.

after i spoke to him tonight...i get it now. he can't say goodbye, because then the reality that he's leaving people he cares about behind, will hit him, and he will feel upset. the fact that he goes travelling everywhere means that he DOES have to leave people he cares about all the time. and i guess it's the only way he knows how to deal.

so for me and him, there was no goodbye. just a phone call to say, "i'm off. take care of yourself. keep in touch. all the best. seeya."

it could be quite possibly the most default goodbye phone call in the history of phone calls. it's something you say to relatives you don't even like. so...un-personal. but i guess that pretty much sums up robbie and how he is in relationships or semi-sorta relationships. he can't get too involved, it's easier that way.

you'd think i'd get better at this...saying goodbye i mean. but it just gets harder, cos everytime he comes back, it gives me hope. he had the audacity to say to me today that, "i'm not going for that long. i'll probably be back within the year". i don't want to know that, i'll be damned if that stops me from letting myself move on, and i certainly won't be holding my breath. he probably thinks i'm going to be waiting around for him like i did last time. but i promised myself i will not do that anymore. so hopefully, this marks the end of an incredibly wonderful yet incredibly painful chapter in my life.